bad day

a video chip that produces the images on the screen of my laptop died.
...or something like that. i don't speak computer.

it is currently in the custody of the apple store.
i won't get it back for a week and am already experiencing separation anxiety.

i'm going to lump this into the 2009 year.

the new is in

will i make a new year's resolution?

nope. don't think so.

i've learned over years of making them that if i really want to do something, i'll just do it on my own time.

the more interesting question:
what will be the first movie of 2010 that i watch?

feels like home

i was having a conversation with my mom, and somehow i got to asking her about when my parents were teens.

she told me that when she was a junior and he was a senior in high school, they both were in the same english class, and my dad sat behind her. but in her words, "he technically sat behind me, but he wasn't there very often since he used to cut class all the time".

she said that she didn't even know my dad liked her until she read what he wrote in her yearbook. my mom had wanted to ask him to sign it, finally got up the courage, and didn't read it until after the class was over.

and in true 70s vernacular, my dad had written that he thought my mom was "foxy". and they shortly after began to date.

which is why this priceless photo is propped in our den:circa 1973 from the 'hearts and flowers' dance

do i look like her?

i really can't imagine marrying anyone from high school, but it's very cute to think about. i love hearing about people's lives and stories, even ones from the parents. i wonder why i had never asked before...

scar tissue

i just watched an episode of oprah i tivo-ed.

mackenzie phillips had possibly the most disturbing life i've ever heard.

you can read about it on wikipedia. it's like...shakespearean.

i don't think i can listen to the mamas and the papas in the same way.

charmer

mark salling, you're making my heart melt.
who knew you were a big softie under those muscles and haircut.

easy target

poor sadie sandler. she looks just like her dad.

simply because

it's my goal over break to try and watch all of wes anderson's films.

his résumé:
bottle rocket
rushmore
the royal tenenbaums
the life aquatic with steve zissou
the darjeeling limited
fantastic mr. fox

i have a head start. not that it matters since the majority of my break will consist of just chilling.

goodbye fall, hello winter!

remembering sunday

for those of you thinking, "hm, i'll try a new yogurt flavor today", don't pick coffee. it doesn't live anywhere in the delicious realm. it found a nice home in my trash can.

there's been much worse than blake on snl. she wasn't as terrible as i thought she'd be.
here's a sample:
gossip girl: staten island

words i've learned today:
pejorative
kowtow
i'll let you look them up if want to know what they mean. it'll stick in your memory better anyway.

i'm in need of a dance party. going a bit stir crazy in my apartment.

ps. hershey's symphony with almonds and toffee. eat one and you'll thank me.

dreams be dreams

best purchase of the past few months:

dream journal. hands down.

for some reason, i dream very frequently. perhaps it's because lately i've been, in some sense, training myself to remember them after i wake up.

sometimes if i wake up at odd hours, i'm too tired/lazy to write the whole thing down. so i scribble the highlights and complete it later.

well, the last notes i wrote were:
lifeguard- went around
showed sharks- not normal
baby clown- orange
didn't react to anything

i have no idea what the frack those jots mean! i can make some guesses, but i don't remember the original context in which i meant it. that's the first time that's happened.
...baby clown?

it is seriously fascinating (or amusing) stuff. i can flip back to even a week ago, and have already forgotten that those dreams happened until i scan the pages. they really do, a lot of times, pertain to any concerns or problems in my life. (not always- i can swim and all, perfectly fine. i like the ocean.)

you can't hide or mask anything while you dream; it exposes how you really feel about things.
scary, but cool.

when i told my mom i was starting this whole thing, she said that she also used to write down her dreams when she was my age. it was one of those instances that makes you think, "oh yah, i am my mom's kid".
i had no idea. i'd kill to see one of those journals.

and so, i'll leave you with-

"dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to answer."
-fox mulder

yep. x-files.

this is happiness

peace on earth/little drummer boy. bing crosby and david bowie.

this is my favorite christmas song. we've played the same bing crosby cd every year that i can remember while decorating our tree.

i've never seen the video of the track until now.

tied together with a smile

tswift nominated for eight grammys.
take that, kanye.

and a replay cover in case you want a distraction.
he's a kid from uci. i like it.

but i love this one. the piano is the best part.

the littlest angel

today i was in the garage looking for christmas decorations, and in one box i found a baby book my grandmother had made for my mom.

coolest thing ever.

by the way

joseph gordon levitt's opening for snl scared me. nobody should ever be that enthusiastic. i'm talkin' the manic kind.
highlights:
dave matthews as ozzy osbourne. j.g.l. as jason mraz.
kristen wigg in secret words. she's a genius.

but dec. 5: blake lively is hosting.... WHY? let her stick to gossiping and being pretty.

itunes homeshare is the best invention ever.

i was team taylor before the rest of the world caught on to his abs.
sorry 'bout it. check the date.

stumbled upon these "deadly" glasses. very imaginative.

sometimes i'm astounded by how much more i can comprehend while reading when i'm not tired.
this week i could NOT understand an article i had to read. foreign language status.
then i woke up the next morning, read it, and was mildly appalled with myself for not getting it the first time around.

trying to tone down my habit of a superabundance of firefox tabs.

sesh two needs to hang with pops and his elves.
early fundraising + 2ove = one jolly good time.

lolli fix will be taken care of tonight. hallelujah.

enjoy the long weekend!

give a little bit

dear parking garage,

i really am not fond of the way you don't open up to me. my car and i don't like getting stuck outside in the cold, forcing me to wake up at 7am to move it for street cleaning.

sincerely,

the grumpy, tired girl with a useless opener in her hand

call me irresponsible

currently writing my own letter of rec for my advisers.
trying not to make it sound too glowing; they might mock me.

but they'd sign it anyway.

when the sun goes down

it's kinda beautiful when you realize that other people you know around the world watched the same meteor shower. makes it all seem a bit smaller. more connected.

sorry i'm such a SAP. it happens.

completely unrelated blurb:
we were talking about child pornography in my sex and law class, and a guy asks the question:
"well, my cousin sent me pictures of her kid, and he was naked...
so... where's the line between just naked and child porn?"

okay.
even if it's just some picture of a baby running around, why would you ask that?

and can i just give the titles of some of the lectures in this class? it's such interesting material:
a solid foundation for sexual rights
dial-a-porn
does prostitution deserve constitutional protection?

last week's documentary on the porno "deep throat" was pretty explicit in some parts, but actually had funny commentary.

but i love that ucla has classes like this one that push limits.

ps. heyyyy human sexuality (psych 129e) take it with me!

i'm lovin' it

sweet tea from mcdonalds. it's real good.

i'm outta time

i did that thing last night/this morning when you tell yourself you're only going to sleep for a half an hour. tops.

but it ends up being four hours after repeatedly turning the alarm clock off.

oh well.
at least i finished the paper.

twisted logic

there's a little truth behind every "just kidding".
a little curiosity behind every "just wondering".
a little knowledge behind every "i don't know".

and a little emotion behind every "i don't care".

dream on

so again the theme of strange dreams comes into play.
you never know when crazy dreams will happen, but one made an appearance this afternoon:

i was sitting at a desk, working on schoolwork. the fact that i was sitting at a desk was weird enough.
but anyway, i had a headache, so i nonchalantly take a pill with some water and get back to work. i suppose i assumed it was asprin or something along those lines, but i ended up being allergic to the medicine.

i was in some building on campus, and looked up to ask someone a question regarding whatever i was working on.
but then i realized i couldn't. because my lips had SWELLED UP so much. i literally was incapable of speaking out loud.

so i start to panic. and who is right by my side? my co love chrissie, of course.
she looks at me while i'm madly pointing to my painfully obvious problem. then she grabs my hand and leads me down some stairs, knowing exactly where she's going.

we enter a room a few flights down that has two doctors in it. how convenient, right? but they seem kind of sketchy, so i was hesitant to let them help me. one of the doctors has an unusually large shot in his hand, and says if they inject it into my lips, the swelling will go down. but the jumbo shot in movies doesn't usually signal something good.

but i can't protest with words, only a sort of muffled wail through my freakish-looking face. so i write down on a piece of paper, "NO SHOT" and show it to chrissie.

the doctor then tells me that the swelling will just keep increasing, and the pressure will spread to other parts of my face, first starting with my nose. he informed me that my nose would break from this pressure.

i then REALLY panic because i realize that my nose is starting to hurt. and i did NOT want a broken nose. i frantically write that they can give me the shot.

...and then i woke up.
i usually try to analyze what they mean when i wake up, but so far i have no guesses on that one.

love to love

secret. and fun fact of the day.

i tear up sometimes watching 'say yes to the dress'. like today, for instance.

...and yes, i'm well aware that's embarrassing.

walk this way

inflatable bag monsters.

i would be intrigued and for sure get out my camera if i passed by one on the street.

that's how you know

halloween, we just weren't meant to be.

my heart belongs to christmas.

especially when you can do things like throw snow at unsuspecting people.

you don't get joy like that from just anything : ]

this is halloween

everybody make a scene!

or at the very least watch taylor make one. it will brighten your day.

addicted

coffee and condensed milk.

try it.

now.

a kind of magic

tonight i went to a screening for brushfire records' new dvd coming out, entitled "jack johnson en concert".

so the movie ends. the credits roll. and then...

i see MY NAME in the credits!

a gasp might have happened. perhaps accompanied by a finger-point.
but i'm okay with that type of surprise : ]
haha you can find me under "brushfire intern".

that's the main project they were working on while i was there, and it was nice of them to acknowledge that even the interns help out where they can.

watch it. there's some interesting behind-the-scenes stuff in addition to his performances.
interviews, exploring europe, dancing, crazy weather conditions.
even surfing makes an appearance. he would.

flavor of the weak

next on my agenda (after catching up on sleep):

visit syrup desserts.

because a sweet grilled cheese sounds delicious.

this one has blackberries, walnuts, and muenster cheese on raisin-walnut bread.
mmm.

thanks l.a. and o.c. foodventures for that one.

always happens like that

grass is greener? human nature.

the waiting

i've heard of freeways getting blocked for accidents, but never experienced it myself.
last night/this morning we got stuck for maybe forty minutes.

we mostly people-watched. always a go-to option.
quite the crowd, those 2am-ers. the majority of which were young people that had probably been partying.

a few just turned off their cars.
a cop yelled over a speaker.
we counted people from five different cars smoking weed.
...that's a lot that just have it in their back pockets in such a small vicinity! just in our eyesight.
one group started to dance on top of their truck.
others chatted with their neighbors.
a lot wandered around trying to get a view of the scene.
some questionable outfits going on.

the accident, or what was left of it, looked horrible.
the five or six cars involved were totaled. it was probably a drunk driver.

scary.
i hope everyone who was involved was okay.

a hard day's night

i'm a night owl.

and i probably shouldn't have had that blended coffee my roommate made.
but it was damn good.

ted says that nothing good happens after 2am.
but in my case, it's just nothing remotely productive.

all the small things

i was reminded why i loved brushfire and the people that work there.
and it completely made my day.

they’re a real family over there.
and that’s what makes them special.

confessions, pt. II

i’m obsessed with the music from glee.
that is all.

well mostly. ie. i don't want to go back to writing my paper just yet.

so finally!
the wheelchair kid got to sing, not just spin around.
and on that note, the boys rocked the girls in that battle. even if they were all tweaked out. the guys got the better mash-up.

-a video that gleeks should see-
apparently he was in a boy band, synchronized dance moves and all.
...after the boy band craze died.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjTB7Zj5EmU
limelight on the second verse.

good stuff, right?

poker face

the psych major has apparently gotten to me.

lately i’ve been inadvertently psychoanalyzing myself... mostly searching for the reasons behind my responses to situations, but also my actions in general.
it sounds weird. hopefully not too much so.

i consider myself a composed individual. to a fault.
and honestly, being able to hide your emotions is the biggest gift and curse all wrapped in one.

people don’t know when you’re upset or mad.
but also can’t fully see when you’re happy.

i internalize everything. and should really do something about that.
breaking habits isn't easy, but i'll give it a try. why not?

*side note: another psych major asked me the other day if i ever try to analyze myself, so at least i’m not the only one. made me feel much better actually.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

something i need to invest in:

a dream journal.

whenever i happen to remember them, i usually wonder how my mind can conceive of such peculiar and unexpected things.

maybe that whole "tv rots your brain" thing applies here.

...who am i kidding? people that know me are wholly aware that i am an avid tv watcher.
so if by chance it's the tv that infects my dreams into the perfectly bizarre scenarios...

well, then i say,
keep it coming. just wait until after i buy a notebook of some sort.

i'm in a different world

i haven't written anything in quite a while, and just by reading some of my previous posts, all i can reiterate is...

things change.

now i'm just curious/waiting/anxious/excited to see how the next few months of life will pan out.

guess it all depends on the mindset. and i want it to be great.
the people i love. and the people that love me.

just can't let my mind get in the way. and it seems to be in the habit of doing that. at least by means of over-analyzing every minuscule thing.

sitting, waiting, wishing

camp is coming up.
camp is coming up.
camp is coming up.

it's weird to think that this thing i've been talking about for months is a few days away.
even though i've been there, i really have no idea what to expect.

i hope it challenges me.
makes me grow as an individual and leader.
and reconnects me with the friendships i've made along the way.

sesh 2. do the do.
i can't imagine ucla without it.

chasing pavements

i was thinking today about the phrase “opposites attract”.
i think it’s true. but that’s irrelevant.

the more interesting question to me is whether it lasts.
and in most instances, my guess would be no.

how do people find that exact right balance between being too similar or too different?

i get that people change as time passes.
i just hope it’s actually possible for people to change together.

i’ve very rarely seen people that are happily married.
or even really happily involved.
and that is so immensely depressing.

i know i’m still young. marriage is a decade away.
but it’s something that weighs down on me from time to time.

cause mostly i’m afraid that i’ll be the rule.
not the exception.
...to quote a mediocre movie.

ultimately though, and possibly foolishly,
i still think people can work it out. be happy.

wonderful world

when i was driving on the freeway the other night i was given a nice surprise.



thank you disneyland.
and i wasn't being a totally reckless driver.
... i didn't take the picture myself.

the best fireworks, though, hands-down, are the weeping willow ones.
sad and graceful at the same time. i love them.

can't let it go

i have a complaint.

i went to a drive-thru yesterday, and saw something i hadn’t come across before.
the window from which they pass you the food was not on the driver’s side.
it was on the passenger’s side.

wtf?
what if you’re in the car by yourself?
having to get out of the car defeats the purpose of fast food.

someone didn’t think that one through.

lazy day afternoon

listening to taylor swift's song "fearless" on repeat.
indulging in quintessential girl's music.

happy fourth.

do you know what i'm seeing?

today i've been movie-trailer browsing.

i'm partial toward characters with wit and the ability to give a good smirk.
sherlock holmes:


i probably wouldn't see this movie with different lead actors.
but a nia vardalos and john corbett reunion? i don't think i can miss that.
i hate valentine's day:


a scary thriller by martin scorsese... so odd. but as always, leo stars.
dvd rent-worthy. kinda scary for the theater.
shutter island:


and i didn't post the trailer, but go see 500 days of summer. it's not a new story, but the way it's told and edited is pretty great. waiting for the soundtrack.

risky business

this one is inspired by a certain friend.
one that wears her heart on her sleeve, like the saying says.
when she falls, she falls hard.

i envy that ability,
to trust people enough to let them in completely.
because although her heart has been broken,
i’ve seen that the risk can be worth it.

she may be dramatic and impulsive.
but she’s also courageous and bold.

there are major ups and downs,
but it’s better than living tediously in the middle.

and although she doesn’t need a guy to be happy,
this is my reminder to her that, yes, it’s worth it in the end.

don’t stop believing in the fairy tale.

money honey

parodies are some of life's little treasures. perhaps i love them because my friends and i mock each other constantly.
...it's how we show love. really.

i couldn't figure out how to place the actual video in the post, so in the meantime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfak76uERs4

mimicry gold. (watch the original below first.)
http://perezhilton.com/2009-06-22-my-statement

in all fairness, i would probably be traumatized if someone punched me, but perez is overly dramatic. it's not like his face resembled rihanna's picture post beat-down.
and i check his website more often than i would like to admit. but with all the shit he writes, i'm relatively surprised he's never been clocked until now. some would say he had it coming.

staple it together

i like making connections. between people, movies, ideas, whatever.
i blurt out random things. it's just how my thought processes are.
people eventually learn to follow when i unexpectedly change the subject.

but back to the point.
this has been bugging me.

kenny baumann, meet your future.
[insert suspenseful music here]

twenty years down the line... hello, bob saget.

ps. please do a father and son tv show. it would be brilliant casting.
thank you.

the sound of silence

i like silence.
yep. i admit it.

not the awkward, uncomfortable kind.
and yes, different kinds exist.
there are people out there that don’t understand that concept.
it can be peaceful, calming, and a place for my thoughts to wander where they may.

i don’t like speaking just for the hell of it, to avoid the quiet.
i watch and listen more than participate. and sometimes it’s a bad thing.
but i notice a whole lot about the world and the people in it.
eye contact, body language, and the power of the situation can speak volumes.

maybe it’s just an easier way to live. and i’m just more comfortable there.
but as i’ve gotten older, i’ve tried to make it my vacation place rather than a permanent stay.

but if you want, you’re always free to join me : ]

stop this train

starting out on a somber note. but circumstances are always changing.

sometimes, there are situations in which i feel as if i can do nothing.
say nothing. my actions and words won’t change the outcome.
yet all i want is to make it better.
witnessing heartache is something i will never get used to.
it makes me anxious. nauseous. scared.
and yearn for relief to come for those who need it.

support is the only thing i have to offer. and it will always be there.

it isn’t fair when people are taken from us too soon.
and although we're never ready to experience a loss,
the only way to get through it is to lean on those who are left behind.